The Hardest Phrase

There was a time when every friend of mine had girlfriends while I didn’t. Everyone flirting with the opposite sexes, roaming around, laughing at silly jokes which were not at all funny, going to movies or for a walk with one girl on the first day and with the other on the next day and etc. were the most common scenes. At times I used to be provoked with their activities and I wished I too had a girlfriend. Some festivals used to bring a lot of charm and excitement in them like some sort street festivals, Valentine’s Day and the likes and I would only be a busy stray Labrador wandering on the streets. I would indulge myself in imaginations of having a girl. I used to look in the mirror and say to my self, “you’re not good enough for any girl, live alone”. That is why I decided to say the hardest three little words to only one person and only once, if I ever had to say it to anyone. I had made up my mind not to repeat the hardest phrase to anyone and not more than once.

So, I did not have any female friends, I used to call myself a nerd, people used to call me psycho and sometimes, I got real nasty compliments, however I wasn’t influenced by their act, with their mocking and with their humiliation. I remained myself, though I can’t ignore some occasions when I was terribly infatuated. Those infatuations never took a serious mode because in those times my level of self esteem was way below par and I thought I was the most worthless living creature on earth. I had already started disbelieving my potentials, my will and my enthusiasm. I was totally isolated and I was the worst unsocial guy in my circle.

Time slowly yet surely changed, my attitude towards the world gradually changed. It was on the 28th of February 2007 which I should say was the day of serendipity. I met her in a social networking community site and instantly I felt like she is the person I should be spending the rest of my life. There were and are so many traits in her which I had always looked upon my soon to be girl. I had not seen her but the chemistry was already taking place in my side. Eventually I convinced her on a face to face meeting. Until that day, I had never called up anyone and never met anyone. She became the first person in my life who I guess propelled me towards love, and the purest one.

One day when our conversation grew more and more intense, every barrier broke away and I spoke this hardest little phrase to her. I wasn’t even prepared to say the most difficult phrase to her but those words simply flew off of my throat. Only after a couple of minutes I realized that I said it, I unbelievably and unprepared, had finally said this to someone and I could feel my fingers tremble in excitement and amazement, I don’t know why. I had so many people to whom I wished to tell this particular incident about my feat but this time I had no one around. I wasn’t able to share my good times with anyone but at the end of the day I did not have any such hard feeling for or towards anything and anyone.

Now that I am seriously in love with her, I have tattooed her name in my chest. No matter what, I can’t even imagine anyone else in my life apart from her and won’t be repeating this phrase again and again to a, b or c. If in any way, I do not get her, I would probably be a lunatic and won’t survive and if I ever survived, I would live with the pain, every time I look in the mirror I would see her name and I would miss her bad. I think I have fortified and readied myself to bear that pain or more precisely I am willing to live with the pain, misery and sorrow if getting her is out of my possibility but I pray to my ancestors not to let that happen.

I have always lived my life, I have kept my words and will keep them. The left of my side will always belong to her.